Some advice for Dick

Dear Dick,

I know that you will be engaging in a debate on public TV with John Edwards shortly. Although I am sure Karl Rove and the others are busy filling your mind with the lies and deceptions you need to disseminate on that night, let me give you a bit of advice.

I heard you talking to Senator Pat Leahy a couple months ago. You told him to "Go fuck yourself." With all the recent hoopla about the vulgarity of TV degrading American Christian morals, you should be careful with that wicked tongue of yours.

Here is the advice; using "fuck" as an adjective rather than as a verb might help keep the FCC at bay. Thus, please note the following instructive examples.

EXAMPLE 1
“John Edwards! Go fuck yourself” This is bad. THE WORD has been used as a verb and the FCC will be hounding you. You could claim that it was a vocabulary allocation failure. However, on the positive side, it might increase your popularity amongst those hip, hard-to-reach, MTV demographic. But, please, please refrain from flashing a nipple. I enjoy keeping my partially digested food within the confines of my digestive tract.

EXAMPLE 2
“John Edwards! You are a fucking, feeble, French-loving faggot” Perfectly acceptable as THE WORD has been used as an adjective. Furthermore, you will have appeased fans of alliteration, religious right gay bashers, and Freedom Fry fans.

If you are still confused, ask Bono. He knows the difference.